Depressing Depression!

IMG_20160317_154808Things are certainly not good around and there’s always a ray of hope peeking through the window of life and telling you that things are going to get better. What happens when you fail to believe in that ray or rather try to believe but just doesn’t happen.

I don’t know if I should complain or thank the universe for blessing me with love endlessly. One person drifts away holding the harsh truth within and hoping for you to live happily ever after while one is already waiting with stretched arms to take you to his kingdom! Yet I fail and stand blank as ever between the two. Deep down the facts are known yet the feet doesn’t move forward despite all efforts! People around keep saying Move on! You have to leave the past behind! Look at what you have! Accept the facts…I hear and I try to lead a regular routine and yet every night when I close eyes I feel miserable.

The sad tunes of violin feel as if these are the very strings of my own heart. The scream is no longer heard and I don’t even know for what I wish to scream and what is that I swallow as silence. Avoiding people and embracing loneliness has become a habit. Unexplained rage, deep breaths and trembling emotions keep coming out of the curtain no matter how much you try to hide behind the smile.

Someone who has known you as a strong person will never realise that you are depressed, they would continue to sing their own songs of sorrow no matter what. People who love you can’t see you sad will expect you to act and come out, not realizing that you try harder every morning and fall asleep defeated by every night.

Depression is a like black hole it keeps attracting you and pulling you. I keep getting weaker and weaker at the root of every nerve. They say people who succumb to this darkness, suicide and are weak. But I feel they are not weak. They are strong for they can gather the courage to end it for all times and bear the pain of body and the last moment where the spirit escapes just like smoke trapped for years and years in some vintage jar of long lost sunken ship.

Facing, explaining to everyone around that nothing is helping at all and there is no answer to this empty feeling is like just fighting a the lost battle over and over again with yourself.

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